Game of Pain

"WE STUDY HISTORY in order to make history.  And by making history, we remake history in our own image...

And so we study the histories - the actions and THOUGHTS - of those who have gone before, those singular, often solitary, all too often sinister souls who long ago forded forbidding rivers of personal doubt, who climbed over or squeezed around or else broke and blasted (and bribed?) their way past any boulder or bonehead blocking their way, dauntlessly - and ruthlessly? - carving paths through the dark wilderness of ignorance to the wisdom waiting in the clearing just beyond"  Dr. HAHA Lung, Lost Arts of War

Lung goes on to talk about how great warriors of the past - men who tasted, chewed and swallowed the most "bitter morsels of life" (that's Nietzsche) -and found the energy and determination to keep going.

Sometimes, "keeping going" is the hardest part of it.  Trust me.  I know.  I have the word WAR tattooed on my chest for a reason.  I got the tattoo on Christmas Day.  I didn't talk to anyone so-called loved ones on that day.  No one, except my Uncle, called me.

I know the pain of solitary.  I know the  game of pain.

I feel like few people see reality as I do, and this sometimes aids to the pain.  I'm caught between feelings of wanting to quietly make millions and craving praise and attention for unfuckingrecognized genius.

I've had racks.  I've hit licks.  I've made four times as much money money in a week than most people have made in a year.

I've sacrificed everything for ungrateful motherfuckers.  I've seen betrayal up close.  I've had those closest to me do things to completely try to fuck my shit up.

So just know that if I actually succeed at what I'm trying to do - what I'm making so much noise about -  I did it by pushing through repeated situations that made me want to give up, that tested my true desire for this prize.  Right now, though, it doesn't even feel like that, because it honestly seems like the only choice is:  Get rich or die trying. 

There's really nothing else to live for.  This world is cold, and unless you've been where I've been and felt what I've felt, you have no right to judge or comment about how I should feel and what I should do in response.

Just know that I'm fed up with this shit, and I'm going to do something about it.  I'm going to change this Game of Pain. 

I've learned to meditate and focus my thoughts away from what is currently attacking me.  In this way, the psychological games that people try to use against me no longer affect me, and I am prepared to defend myself both personally and in the business world.