Peace

For the first time in a long time, I feel peace.  Tremendous peace, a feeling of calm and contentment that goes deep inside.  I believe this comes from knowledge of my freedom, or at least expectation of freedom.  After five long excruciating years, I am finally ready to free my mind and my emotions from the dark and dead weight that has held me down.  The circumstances that I faced filled me with hatred and anger, and it is possible that this hatred and anger was directed at myself.  After all, I am the one who made the mistake of letting the weight into my life and allowing it to expand with such pervasive power. 

I have never known such freedom of spirit.  Or, perhaps I have, and this is simply the feeling of glorious detachment, no longer being affected by people's nasty games.  No longer do I feel connected and attached, open to manipulation from passive aggressors.  I feel peace, because I know that freedom and happiness are real in the long-term.  I feel peace, because all of the hate and rage that I've felt over the past years has truly shown me what I hate and what I love.  I know what situations disgust me.  I know what situations fill my heart with joy and make it leap over the moon.

I enjoy the concept of exclusivity, and this applies in a multitude of contexts.  I enjoy exclusivity with my clients.  I do not waste my time with clients who do not grant me exclusivity.  Exclusivity means that they are not even talking to another broker or service provider who does what I do.  I will not get into any other type of situation. 

I feel such desperation to record this wonderful feeling with words.  My breaths feel so free.  My chest feels light.  It is as though my soul has grown wings in the place where a ball and chain used to be.

I realize now that nothing angers me more than a lack of exclusivity.  I hate dealing with clients that are shopping with many different brokers.  I hate having to listen to a client regurgitate what some other service provider told her.  If you want to talk to those dudes, then go ahead, but I will not waste my business time interfacing with you.  You are a complete waste of time.  Not only that, you are not worth the mental effort, energy or attention - especially when there are other clients out there, virgin and untouched clients who will readily and willingly accept my advances. 

For so long, I haven't been able to exercise my options.  This peace, this perfect, wonderful peace... I wonder if it will last forever.  Are these the gates of heaven?  I am so tempted to think that I do now know the pearly gates, at least by sight.  It is though I can see the angels there, waiting for me... it's coming... forever...